How Can I Overcome Low Self Esteem? Practical Tips

By Therapy-with-Ben

Tackling low self-esteem isn't just about 'thinking positive'. It’s a deeper process of understanding where that critical inner voice came from, learning how to challenge it, and then taking consistent, meaningful actions that build real, tangible confidence.

Essentially, it's a journey. You're transforming how you see yourself by first recognising why you feel this way. From there, you can start swapping out old, damaging habits for new, more compassionate ones. This is how you build a resilient sense of self-worth that comes from within, not from what others think.

Understanding Where Low Self-Esteem Comes From

Before you can build a solid sense of self-worth, it helps to take a look at the ground you're standing on. Low self-esteem rarely just appears overnight; it’s usually a complex structure, built over many years from a mix of our experiences, relationships, and the messages we absorb from the world around us.

Figuring out its origins isn’t about assigning blame or getting stuck in the past. It’s about gaining the compassionate insight you need to move forward with real purpose.

Think of it like a plant that's struggling. You wouldn’t just shout at its wilting leaves. You’d check the soil, the amount of light, and the water it's getting. In the same way, understanding your own "soil" is the very first step toward personal growth.

The Roots in Early Experiences

Our earliest years are incredibly formative, laying down the core beliefs we hold about ourselves. Often, the way we were treated by parents, teachers, and friends becomes the blueprint for our own inner voice.

• Critical environments: If you grew up with constant criticism, impossibly high expectations, or a real lack of praise, you might have learnt to believe that your best is simply never good enough.

• Neglect or inconsistency: When emotional or physical needs weren't met consistently, it's easy to internalise a feeling of being unimportant or just not worthy of care.

• Bullying or social exclusion: Painful times at school can create deep-seated beliefs about being unlikeable, different, or fundamentally flawed in some way.

These early interactions can echo for years, shaping how you relate to yourself and to others. If you're interested in how these patterns play out in adult life, you can learn more by reading our guide on attachment styles and their interaction with self-worth.

The Pressure of Societal Comparison

We're living in a world that constantly invites us to compare ourselves to others. From social media feeds packed with curated perfection to rigid societal standards of success and beauty, it’s all too easy to feel like you're falling behind.

This pressure is particularly intense for younger people. Research shows that roughly one-third to one-half of adolescents in the UK struggle with low self-esteem. That figure rises to a staggering 61% among girls aged 10-17. These numbers really highlight how much external pressures can warp our perception of our own worth. You can explore more insights about teen self-esteem statistics at theyarethefuture.co.uk.

The crucial thing to realise is that your inner critic often echoes these external voices—the demanding teacher, the critical parent, or the impossible standards seen online.

By identifying these sources, you start to see that all that negative self-talk isn't some objective truth. It’s a learnt script. And that awareness is the first, most powerful step toward finally rewriting it.

By Therapy-with-Ben

How to Challenge Your Inner Critic

We all have it: that persistent, nagging voice inside our heads. The one that’s quick to point out every mistake and whisper that we’re not quite good enough. It often feels like an undeniable source of truth, but in reality, it’s just a collection of old, unhelpful thoughts we’ve picked up over time. The good news? You don’t have to accept its commentary as fact.

Learning how to overcome low self-esteem means actively challenging this internal monologue. Instead of just trying to ignore it or forcing yourself to 'be positive,' we can use a structured and proven technique from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) called Cognitive Reframing. This isn't about deluding yourself; it’s about finding a more balanced and realistic perspective on things.

This infographic gives a great visual of the gentle process of challenging your inner critic and nurturing some self-compassion.

It’s a powerful reminder that acknowledging our feelings with kindness, rather than judgement, is the first real step toward healing and building genuine self-worth.

Catch the Automatic Negative Thought

The first move in rewriting the script is simply to notice when the critic speaks up. In therapy, we call these Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) because they pop into our heads so quickly and automatically that we often don't even question them.

Imagine you make a small mistake at work. Your inner critic might immediately jump in with, "I'm so incompetent. Everyone must think I’m terrible at my job." That’s an ANT. The trick is to catch it in the moment, without judging yourself for having it. Just recognise it: "Ah, there's that thought again."

Question the Evidence

Once you've spotted the thought, it's time to put it on trial. Your inner critic often acts like a biased prosecutor, presenting only the evidence that supports its negative case. Your job is to step in as a fair-minded defence lawyer.

Start by asking some pointed questions:

• What is the actual evidence for this thought? Did anyone actually say I was incompetent, or am I just jumping to that conclusion?

• Is there any evidence that contradicts this thought? What about the times I've done my job well? What positive feedback have I received in the past?

• What's a more balanced way of looking at this? Instead of "I'm incompetent," could it be, "I made a mistake, which is a completely normal part of learning and working"?

This process is so effective because it interrupts the emotional downward spiral and forces you to look at the situation logically. It’s all about separating the feelings from the facts.

"Challenging your thoughts doesn't mean pretending everything is perfect. It means refusing to let an unexamined negative belief dictate your reality."

Create a Balanced Alternative

Finally, you can replace the harsh, all-or-nothing ANT with a more compassionate and realistic statement. This isn't about chanting empty affirmations but about crafting a new thought that you can genuinely get on board with.

Let’s run through how this works in practice. Below is a table showing how you can catch those ANTs and reframe them into something more constructive and, frankly, more true.

Cognitive Reframing in Action

Automatic Negative Thought (ANT)	Challenge the Thought	Balanced & Reframed Thought
"I'm a complete failure because I didn't get that promotion."	Was it really a complete failure? I got good feedback and learnt a lot. Many qualified people applied.	"I'm disappointed I didn't get the promotion, but it doesn't make me a failure. I'll use the feedback to grow and try again."
"Everyone thinks I'm boring. I have nothing interesting to say."	Is it possible they're just quiet or preoccupied? Have people listened to me before? Do I find everyone else fascinating all the time?	"I sometimes feel anxious in groups, and that's okay. I have interests and ideas worth sharing when I feel comfortable."
"I'll never be able to finish this project. It's too overwhelming."	How can I break it down into smaller, manageable steps? What's the very first thing I could do?	"This project is large and feels overwhelming right now. I can tackle it by breaking it down into smaller tasks and focusing on one at a time."

By consistently practising this three-step process—Catch, Question, and Create—you gradually weaken the power of your inner critic. Over time, you learn to become your own ally, building a foundation of self-esteem based not on being perfect, but on a fair and balanced view of yourself. It's a skill, and just like any other skill, it gets stronger and more natural with practice.

By Therapy-with-Ben

Building Real Confidence Through Action

While challenging that inner critic is a vital mental exercise, real, lasting self-esteem is built on a foundation of solid proof. It’s one thing to think differently about yourself, but it's another thing entirely to see yourself doing things that prove you’re capable. This is where a powerful strategy from therapy called Behavioural Activation comes in.

The idea behind it is surprisingly simple: action comes before motivation. When you're struggling with low self-esteem, the natural tendency is to withdraw, put things off, and avoid anything that feels like a challenge. Of course, this just digs the hole deeper, reinforcing those feelings of inadequacy.

Behavioural Activation flips this completely on its head. It's about encouraging you to take small, meaningful actions, especially when you don't feel like it. This creates a positive feedback loop. Every action you take, no matter how tiny, becomes a piece of evidence that argues against your negative self-beliefs. It’s how you start to answer the question of "how can I overcome low self esteem" with your own lived experience.

Identify Your Values, Not Just Your Goals

For this to really work, the actions you take have to feel meaningful to you. It's easy to get caught up in what you think you should be doing. Instead, I encourage my clients to start by connecting with their personal values. What truly matters to you in life?

Think about these kinds of areas:

• Creativity: Is expressing yourself through art, music, or writing something you miss?

• Learning: Do you get a buzz from gaining new knowledge or mastering a new skill?

• Connection: Is nurturing your relationships with friends and family a priority?

• Well-being: Do you genuinely want to prioritise your physical or mental health?

Once you have a clearer sense of your core values, you can start identifying activities that actually align with them. If you value learning, maybe that means finally signing up for that online course you've been eyeing up. If you value well-being, it could be as simple as committing to a short walk each day.

Break It Down and Start Small

The secret to overcoming the inertia that comes with low motivation is to make your first step ridiculously achievable. An overwhelming goal like "get fit" is a perfect recipe for procrastination. It's too big, too vague.

So, you break it down into the smallest possible action.

For instance, "get fit" could be broken down into:

1. Spend 10 minutes researching local gyms online.

2. Put on your trainers and just walk around the block.

3. Find a five-minute stretching video on YouTube and do it.

The goal isn't to run a marathon tomorrow. It's simply to take one small step today that proves to yourself that you can take action. This builds momentum and makes the next step feel far less daunting. Visualising your goals can be a powerful motivator here, too. For a creative take on this, you could learn how to create a personalised vision and prayer board to give you greater clarity (this did link to an external blog but it is now not there - apologies).

"Confidence is not a prerequisite for action; it is a consequence of it. You build self-esteem by collecting evidence of your own competence, one small victory at a time."

Every single time you follow through, you send a powerful message to yourself: "I am capable. I can do things. I am in control." These actions become the building blocks of genuine, earned confidence—a type of confidence that your inner critic will find increasingly difficult to tear down because it’s based on solid, undeniable proof.

By Therapy-with-Ben

Give Yourself a Break: Practising Self-Compassion with Mindful Journalling

Learning to be kinder to yourself is probably one of the most powerful things you can do to get a handle on low self-esteem. It’s all about treating yourself with the same warmth and understanding you’d give a good friend who’s having a tough time. We call this self-compassion, and it's a vital skill for building up your emotional resilience.

It's really important to get that self-compassion isn't the same as self-pity. Self-pity tends to make us feel isolated, as if we're the only one going through something. Self-compassion does the opposite; it connects us to the reality that struggling and being imperfect are just parts of being human for everyone.

A brilliant, practical way to start building this skill is through mindful journalling. This isn't about keeping some pristine, perfect diary. It's about creating a private, judgement-free zone where you can explore your thoughts and feelings honestly. It helps you become an observer of your own mind, without getting dragged under by the usual wave of self-criticism.

Getting Started with Journalling for Self-Esteem

The real key to mindful journalling is just doing it consistently, not perfectly. You don't need a fancy notebook or to block out hours in your day. Just a few minutes with a pen and paper—or even the notes app on your phone—can start to change the way you talk to yourself. If this is all new to you, having a read about what mindfulness in therapy is and how it works can give you a better grasp of why it’s so helpful.

Here are a few different styles you can try out to see what feels right for you:

• The 'What Went Well' Diary: At the end of the day, jot down three things that went well, no matter how small. Maybe you really enjoyed your morning coffee, or perhaps a colleague gave you a friendly smile. This simple habit actually trains your brain to start noticing and appreciating the good stuff.

• Gratitude Lists: Just list things you’re grateful for. This could be anything from your health and your home to the simple pleasure of a sunny day. Gratitude actively pulls your focus away from what you feel you lack and puts it back on what you already have.

• An Unsent Letter to Yourself: When you’re wrestling with a difficult emotion or beating yourself up over a mistake, try writing a letter to yourself as if it's from a compassionate friend. What would they say? How would they comfort you?

A journal is a space where you can acknowledge your struggles without letting them define you. It’s a tool for transforming self-criticism into self-understanding, one page at a time.

Guided Prompts to Nurture Self-Compassion

Sometimes, staring at a blank page can feel a bit daunting. Using specific prompts can help steer your thoughts and gently nudge you towards being kinder to yourself. The aim here is to recognise your own efforts and embrace your whole self, imperfections included.

Try one of these prompts the next time you sit down to write:

1. Describe a recent challenge you faced. What strengths did you use to get through it, even if the outcome wasn’t what you’d hoped for?

2. Write about something you are proud of but tend to brush off or downplay. Give yourself proper credit for it.

3. What is one kind thing you can do for yourself today, just to acknowledge that you're trying your best?

By actually doing these exercises, you’re creating real, tangible proof to counter that inner critic. You’re not just telling yourself you have worth; you're building a record of your strengths, your resilience, and your humanity. It's a gentle but profound step on the journey toward building lasting self-esteem.

By Therapy-with-Ben

Knowing When to Seek Professional Support

While the self-help strategies we’ve explored are incredibly powerful tools, sometimes the weight of low self-esteem is just too heavy to lift on your own. Deciding to reach out for professional support isn’t a sign of failure; far from it. It's a profound act of strength and self-care. It means you’re ready to invest in your well-being in a structured, supported way.

Recognising that exact moment can be tricky, but there are a few common signs that suggest it might be time to have a chat with a therapist.

Key Signs It Might Be Time for Therapy

If you find that low self-esteem is consistently getting in the way of your daily life, that's a clear signal to consider professional help. Maybe you find yourself constantly pulling back from social situations, or your performance at work is suffering because you're terrified of taking on new challenges.

Another indicator is when your internal world feels like it’s stuck on a loop. If you’ve tried various techniques but still feel trapped by the same negative thought patterns or overwhelming emotions, a therapist can offer fresh perspectives and tools to help you break free.

Different Paths to Healing

When you start looking for support, you’ll find several therapeutic approaches available here in the UK. Each one offers a unique way to understand and work through the issues that contribute to low self-esteem.

Three common types of therapy you'll come across are:

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which focuses on identifying and changing the unhelpful thought patterns and behaviours we've already touched on.

• Person-Centred Counselling, which provides a supportive, non-judgemental space for you to explore your feelings and find your own answers.

• Psychodynamic Therapy, which helps you understand how past experiences and unconscious thoughts might be shaping your current feelings of self-worth.

For a deeper dive into what to expect from the process, our guide on what counselling is and how it can help you offers some valuable insights.

A Breath of Fresh Air: Walk-and-Talk Therapy

For some, the thought of sitting face-to-face in a formal office can feel a bit intimidating. This is where Walk-and-Talk Therapy offers a fantastic alternative.

By combining gentle physical activity with a counselling session, it can help ease anxiety and make conversations feel more natural and less intense. There's something about walking side-by-side with a therapist that can foster a real sense of partnership, often making it easier to open up.

Seeking support is particularly vital when you look at the scale of the issue. In England, roughly 1 in 4 adults experience mental health challenges each year, with young women aged 16 to 24 being a particularly high-risk group.

Finding a qualified therapist who you feel comfortable with is the most important step. When you're considering professional support, it can also be helpful to understand how advanced therapies like TMS can support mental health recovery, particularly if depression is a contributing factor. Taking this step is an investment in yourself, empowering you to build a more resilient and confident future.

By Therapy-with-Ben

A Few Common Questions About Self-Esteem

Starting the journey towards better self-esteem naturally brings up a few questions. It’s completely normal to wonder about the process, what to expect, and how long it all really takes. Here are some straightforward, honest answers to the queries I hear most often from my clients.

How Long Does It Realistically Take to Improve Self-Esteem?

There’s no magic timeline for building self-worth; it's a gradual and very personal journey, not some race to a finish line. Think of it less like a quick fix and more like tending to a garden. You have to prepare the soil, plant the seeds, and then nurture them consistently over time.

Some people might start noticing small, encouraging shifts in their thinking within just a few weeks of practising techniques like cognitive reframing. For others, untangling deeper-rooted beliefs from childhood could take several months of dedicated work, often with the support of a therapist. The real key here is consistency over speed.

The goal isn’t to reach a state of perfect, unshakable confidence overnight. It's about slowly building resilience so you can navigate life's inevitable setbacks without them completely shattering your sense of self.

Can I Actually Overcome Low Self-Esteem by Myself?

It is absolutely possible to make significant progress on your own, particularly if your low self-esteem is on the milder side. The tools we've discussed in this guide—challenging your inner critic, behavioural activation, and mindful journalling—are genuinely powerful and can create real change when you practise them regularly.

That said, sometimes professional support can make all the difference. If your feelings of worthlessness are deeply entrenched or linked to significant past events, a therapist can provide the guidance and non-judgemental space needed for deeper healing. You don’t have to do it all alone. The link between mental health and self-esteem is strong; statistics from the ONS show a concerning prevalence of moderate to severe depressive symptoms among adults. You can discover insights on public opinions and social trends at ONS.gov.uk to explore these trends further.

What’s the Single Most Important Daily Habit for Building Confidence?

If you had to pick just one thing, my advice would be to focus on self-compassion. This isn’t about a single action but a complete shift in attitude that influences everything else you do. It’s the simple practice of treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a good friend.

In practice, this could look like:

• Acknowledging a small win instead of immediately dismissing it.

• Forgiving yourself for making a mistake rather than spiralling into self-criticism.

• Taking a few moments to just notice how you’re feeling, without any judgement.

Practising self-compassion daily slowly but surely rewires your brain to be your own ally. It creates a supportive inner environment, making it so much easier to build lasting confidence and truly overcome low self-esteem.

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If you feel that professional guidance could support your journey, Therapy with Ben offers a compassionate and confidential space to explore these challenges. To learn more or to book a session in Cheltenham, please visit https://www.therapy-with-ben.co.uk.