A Guide to Polyvagal Theory Therapy for Your Nervous System
- 16 hours ago
- 17 min read
Authored by: Therapy-with-Ben
Polyvagal theory isn't just another therapeutic buzzword; it’s a way of understanding our very own biology. At its core, it’s a body-focused approach that helps you get to grips with how your nervous system reacts to the world around you. It goes deeper than just talking through problems, focusing instead on the actual physical feelings of safety, danger, and shutdown to create real, lasting change from the inside out.
What Is Polyvagal Theory Therapy?
Think of your nervous system as an internal security guard, constantly on patrol and scanning your surroundings for signs of safety or threat. This all happens automatically, well below the level of conscious thought, and it’s this process—what Dr Stephen Porges, the neuroscientist behind the theory, calls 'neuroception'—that shapes how we experience the world.
Polyvagal theory gives us a map to this internal landscape. It helps us understand why we feel the way we do, reframing things like anxiety, numbness, or social withdrawal not as character flaws, but as clever, automatic survival responses from a nervous system just trying to keep us safe.
It's a deeply compassionate way of working and a cornerstone of modern, effective counselling. If you're interested in what makes therapy a safe space, you might find it helpful to read our guide on the core principles of trauma-informed care.
Understanding Your Body's Responses
Therapy that’s informed by polyvagal theory doesn’t ask you to just "think your way out" of anxiety or depression. We know it’s not that simple. Instead, we start with the body, acknowledging that many of our toughest emotional states are wired into physical, automatic reactions that logic alone can’t touch.
The goal isn't to force yourself into a state of permanent calm—that’s not realistic for anyone. The real aim is to build nervous system flexibility. This is about developing the ability to move more fluidly between different states—from being energised for a challenge to feeling relaxed with people you trust—instead of getting stuck in one gear.
The Three Nervous System States at a Glance
Polyvagal theory gives us a clear framework for these states. Instead of seeing our nervous system as just on (fight-or-flight) or off (rest-and-digest), it introduces a third state. Getting to know them is the first step towards working with them.
Here's a quick summary to help you get a feel for each one.
State | Nerve Branch | What It Does | How It Feels |
|---|---|---|---|
Ventral Vagal | The "Social Engagement" System | Connects us with others, promotes calm and safety. | Safe, connected, curious, engaged, calm, open, grounded. |
Sympathetic | The "Mobilisation" System | Prepares us for action, fight, or flight. | Anxious, angry, agitated, overwhelmed, panicked, restless. |
Dorsal Vagal | The "Shutdown" System | Immobilises us when danger feels inescapable. | Numb, frozen, disconnected, hopeless, shut down, dissociated. |
Recognising which state you're in at any given moment is a huge step. It allows you to respond with compassion instead of criticism, and to start using tools that can gently guide your system back towards a feeling of safety and connection.
Key Principles of This Approach
The whole approach is built on a few core ideas that really shift the focus of therapy.
It’s a ‘bottom-up’ approach: We start with what’s happening in your body—the sensations and physical states—rather than trying to wrestle with your thoughts first.
Safety is everything: The main job is to help your nervous system experience genuine safety. Often, this happens right in the therapy room through the connection between us (what’s known as co-regulation).
It’s non-judgemental: Your responses are seen for what they are: adaptive survival strategies. This helps to lift the weight of shame and self-blame that so often comes with struggling.
Awareness is the starting line: The first step is simply learning to notice and name your own nervous system patterns. Once you can see them, you can start to influence them.
By working with these ideas, polyvagal-informed therapy offers a gentle but incredibly effective way to feel more grounded, more connected to yourself and others, and more in charge of your own emotional world.
Mapping Your Nervous System States
Authored by: Therapy-with-Ben
Polyvagal theory gives us a wonderfully clear and compassionate map for understanding our internal world. Instead of seeing our reactions as random, wrong, or broken, it reframes them as intelligent, automatic survival strategies that have kept us safe.
Let's explore the three main territories on this map. Each one has its own unique feeling and function, and we all shift between them throughout our day.
This diagram gives a great visual of the three core states and how our bodies move between them in response to cues of safety and danger, shifting between connection, mobilisation, and shutdown.
The Ventral Vagal State: Your Safe Harbour
The ventral vagal state is our biological foundation for connection and wellbeing. Think of it as a safe harbour, a place where your nervous system feels secure enough to let its guard down. When you're in this state, you feel calm, grounded, and genuinely open to the world.
You might feel:
Curious and engaged: You can properly listen to others, learn new things, and even feel playful.
Connected: There's a sense of belonging with loved ones and the world around you.
Hopeful and calm: Life’s challenges feel manageable rather than completely overwhelming.
This is the state we naturally gravitate towards when we feel safe and secure. The muscles in our face soften, the tone of our voice becomes more melodic, and we can make eye contact without it feeling threatening. It’s our home base, the place from which we can explore the world and build meaningful relationships.
The Sympathetic State: Your Engine Room
Next up is the sympathetic nervous system state, which acts as your body’s engine room. When your internal surveillance system (what the theory calls 'neuroception') detects a potential threat—a looming deadline, a sudden loud noise, a difficult conversation—it fires up and mobilises you for action. It’s a flood of energy preparing you for fight-or-flight.
In this state, you might experience:
Anxiety or panic: A racing heart, shallow breathing, and thoughts that won't switch off.
Anger or frustration: A feeling of being on edge, irritable, or ready for a conflict.
A sense of urgency: The world can feel chaotic, demanding, and a bit too much.
This response isn't a bad thing; in fact, it’s essential for navigating genuine dangers and meeting life's challenges. The problem arises when we get stuck here, living in a constant state of high alert long after the perceived threat has passed.
The Dorsal Vagal State: Your Emergency Brake
When a threat feels so overwhelming that you can't fight it or flee from it, the most ancient part of our nervous system takes over: the dorsal vagal state. This is the body’s emergency brake. It’s a state of shutdown or immobilisation designed to help us survive an inescapable danger by conserving energy and numbing us to pain.
This state is often misunderstood as laziness or apathy, but it's a profound survival response. It's the body saying, "This is too much to bear, so I'm going to disconnect to protect you."
When you're in a dorsal vagal state, you might feel:
Numb and disconnected: Almost as if you're watching your life from a distance.
Hopeless and heavy: Simple tasks can feel monumental, and motivation completely disappears.
Frozen or shut down: You may feel physically heavy, exhausted, and deeply withdrawn from the world.
This state can be incredibly isolating. The first, most crucial step in moving out of it is to recognise it for what it is: a protective mechanism, not a personal failing. Learning to identify these states is a core skill in getting a handle on your emotional world.
For a deeper look into this, you might find our article on what emotional regulation is and how to master it helpful. By mapping these internal territories, you begin the journey of navigating them with more awareness and self-compassion.
How Polyvagal Theory Works in Therapy Sessions
Authored by: Therapy-with-Ben
Knowing the theory is one thing, but how does it actually show up in the therapy room? This is where the real work begins. In a session guided by polyvagal theory, we move beyond just talking about your problems and start listening to what your body has to say.
The therapy room itself becomes a safe space, a container where you can learn to notice your body’s subtle cues without judgement. Instead of asking, “What are you thinking about that?” I might gently shift the focus by asking, “Where do you feel that in your body as you talk about it?”
This shift helps you develop a skill called neuroception—your nervous system’s built-in, unconscious radar for safety and danger. By tuning into this internal system, you start to see your own unique patterns. The goal isn’t to erase stress or difficult feelings. It’s to build flexibility in your nervous system, so you can move between states with more ease instead of getting stuck.
Cultivating Safety Through Co-Regulation
One of the cornerstones of this work is something called co-regulation. It’s a bit of a clinical-sounding term for a deeply human experience: one person's calm nervous system helps another’s feel safe and settled. It's how we first learn to feel safe as infants, and it remains a vital resource for us throughout our lives.
In our sessions, I make a conscious effort to bring a calm, grounded presence to our time together. My regulated state can act as an anchor for your own nervous system, offering it real-time proof that it’s safe to let its guard down. This isn't just about being friendly; it's a specific, therapeutic process that helps your system experience the ventral vagal state of safety, sometimes for the first time in a long while.
Co-regulation is the foundation of healing in polyvagal therapy. It’s the experience of feeling safe with another person, which then helps you learn how to feel safe within yourself.
Through this consistent, safe connection, your nervous system begins to learn a new story. It discovers that connection doesn't always have to be threatening and that it’s possible to feel at ease, even when we’re exploring difficult things. This experience builds a new foundation you can stand on—one of self-regulation.
Core Techniques We Use in Sessions
To gently guide your system back towards a state of safety and connection, we’ll use a range of body-focused techniques. These aren't complicated exercises but simple, practical tools designed to anchor you right here, right now.
Here are a few of the core techniques you might experience:
Grounding Exercises: Simple actions that connect you with the present moment and your physical environment. This could be as simple as pressing your feet into the floor, noticing the texture of the chair you’re sitting on, or holding a warm cup. These small sensory inputs send powerful signals of safety straight to your nervous system.
Mindful Awareness: We’ll practise noticing physical sensations—like your breath, your heart rate, or tight spots in your shoulders—without feeling the need to immediately change them. This simple act of paying attention builds your capacity to stay with your experience, which reduces the sense of overwhelm that so often triggers a defensive state.
Sound and Breath: Simple vocal sounds like humming or a gentle sigh can directly stimulate the vagus nerve, promoting a state of calm. We might also explore breathing exercises that focus on a slow, soft exhale—one of the quickest ways to signal to your body that you are safe.
These techniques are always introduced slowly and at your own pace. The idea is to build a personal toolbox of resources you can use both in and out of our sessions.
Discovering Your Personal Glimmers
A really lovely part of this work involves identifying your personal 'glimmers'. Coined by therapist Deb Dana, glimmers are the direct opposite of triggers. They are small, micro-moments of safety, joy, or connection that gently nudge your nervous system back towards that calm, connected ventral vagal state.
Glimmers are unique to each of us and can be incredibly subtle. They might include:
The feeling of sunshine on your skin
The sound of birdsong outside the window
A brief, warm smile from a stranger
The first sip of a comforting cup of tea
In therapy, we actively look for these moments. By learning to recognise and really savour your glimmers, you start to retrain your nervous system to look for cues of safety, not just cues of danger. This whole process empowers you to build resilience from the inside out and discover your own unique path back to feeling regulated and well.
Who Can Benefit from This Approach?
Authored by: Therapy-with-Ben
Polyvagal theory offers a powerful way of looking at a huge range of challenges. It’s not about focusing on symptoms, but about getting to the root physiological states that drive them. Think of it as a compassionate, body-first approach that gives real understanding—and practical tools—to anyone feeling stuck in cycles of anxiety, depression, or overwhelm.
Instead of asking, "What’s wrong with me?", this way of working asks, "What's happened to your nervous system, and how can we help it feel safe again?" This simple shift in perspective can be massive. Suddenly, that constant dread, the heavy blanket of numbness, or feeling intensely sensitive to the world aren't personal failings. They are intelligent, adaptive responses from a nervous system doing its best to protect you.
A New Lens on Anxiety and Depression
For anyone living with anxiety, this approach finally explains the often terrifying physical sensations that come with it—the racing heart, the tight chest, the feeling of impending doom. It identifies these as the classic signs of a sympathetic nervous system stuck on high alert. Therapy, then, isn't about just talking; it's about using gentle, body-based tools to signal safety, helping to dial down that activation and return to a calmer, more grounded place.
It’s just as powerful for depression. Polyvagal theory offers a crucial insight into what we call the Dorsal Vagal shutdown state. That profound numbness, disconnection, and sheer lack of energy isn’t a lack of willpower; it’s a biological state of self-preservation. Our work would centre on gently re-engaging your nervous system, inviting small, manageable moments of connection and movement without it feeling overwhelming.
In the UK, with anxiety disorders affecting 5.9% of the population in 2022-2023, these body-based approaches are gaining real traction. Some research into polyvagal-informed therapies has shown that specific techniques improved measures of nervous system regulation by an average of 25% during sessions.
Support for Neurodiversity and Sensory Sensitivities
This way of working is also incredibly valuable for neurodivergent individuals. It offers a non-judgemental, affirming way to understand sensory sensitivities and social challenges. What might be labelled an "overreaction" is instead understood for what it is: a nervous system genuinely perceiving a threat in a loud noise, a bright light, or an unpredictable social situation.
This understanding moves the focus away from trying to 'manage' behaviour and towards creating environments and relationships that feel safer for your nervous system. The emphasis on co-regulation—that feeling of safety and calm you can get from being with another settled nervous system—is especially important here. It validates the need for connection and support in navigating a world that can often feel built for someone else.
Polyvagal theory doesn't pathologise sensitivity. Instead, it honours it as the sign of a highly attuned nervous system and provides a map for finding safety and regulation in a world not always built for it.
Healing from Trauma and Chronic Stress
At its heart, polyvagal theory therapy is a cornerstone of modern trauma work. It explains exactly why trauma survivors often feel perpetually unsafe, disconnected from their bodies, or swing between intense anxiety and complete shutdown. Trauma isn't just a story we remember; it's a physical imprint left on the nervous system.
This approach helps survivors gently and safely reconnect with their bodies, processing traumatic energy without becoming re-traumatised. It’s about fostering a sense of agency and empowering you with the skills to regulate your own system. For those looking into natural remedies for chronic pain, this therapy can offer a path forward by addressing the nervous system dysregulation that often contributes to physical symptoms. By creating real experiences of safety in the present, we can help the nervous system finally learn that the danger has passed.
This table gives a quick overview of how a polyvagal-informed approach can be applied to different experiences.
How Polyvagal Therapy Supports Different Needs
Area of Concern | Common Experience | How Polyvagal Therapy Helps |
|---|---|---|
Anxiety | Feeling constantly on edge, racing heart, catastrophic thinking, panic attacks. | Helps identify triggers for sympathetic activation and teaches grounding techniques to signal safety and return to a calmer (ventral vagal) state. |
Depression | Numbness, disconnection from self and others, lack of energy or motivation, feeling heavy and collapsed. | Gently re-engages the nervous system out of dorsal vagal shutdown, using small, manageable steps to reconnect with the body and the world. |
Trauma & PTSD | Oscillating between hyperarousal (anxiety, anger) and hypoarousal (numbness, dissociation), feeling unsafe in your own body. | Provides a safe way to process traumatic energy stored in the body, rebuild a sense of physical safety, and increase the capacity to stay present. |
Neurodiversity | Sensory overload, social overwhelm, difficulty with emotional regulation, feeling misunderstood. | Validates sensory experiences as real nervous system responses and focuses on co-regulation and creating environments that support a feeling of safety. |
Ultimately, this approach is about more than just managing symptoms—it’s about changing your relationship with your own nervous system and, by extension, with yourself and the world around you.
Taking Therapy Outdoors with Walk and Talk in Cheltenham
Authored by: Therapy-with-Ben
The ideas behind polyvagal theory don't have to stay inside a therapy room. In my own practice here in Cheltenham, I've found that blending these powerful, body-based concepts with the simple, grounding rhythm of walk and talk therapy can be incredibly effective. This isn't just a change of scenery; it's a deliberate way of helping your nervous system find a sense of safety and begin to let go of stored-up stress.
Taking our sessions outdoors creates a completely different, dynamic space for healing. Nature itself is one of the best resources we have for nudging our nervous system back into that calm, connected Ventral Vagal state. The gentle sights, sounds, and sensations of a park or a quiet footpath can offer the exact environmental cues your body needs to feel secure.
Movement as a Release Valve
If you're stuck in a state of high alert or anxiety, one of the biggest challenges is that constant build-up of Sympathetic energy. It’s that 'fight-or-flight' fuel coursing through you, leaving you feeling agitated, restless, and constantly on edge. For many people, trying to sit still in a chair can make that feeling even worse.
The simple, back-and-forth movement of walking gives that energy a job to do. It’s a gentle, natural way to discharge the tension. As we walk, your body is productively using that mobilisation charge, which helps to soothe the nervous system and makes it far easier to talk through difficult feelings without them becoming overwhelming.
It’s also true that walking side-by-side often feels much less intense than sitting directly opposite someone. This can foster a more relaxed, collaborative feeling, making it easier to build that sense of safety and connection that is so central to our work.
For many of my clients, this gentle physical activity is the very thing that unlocks the deeper therapeutic work. If this sounds like it might be a good fit for you, you can read more about my walk and talk therapy in Cheltenham.
Noticing 'Glimmers' in the World Around Us
When we’re outdoors, the environment becomes an active part of our sessions. We’re surrounded by what are sometimes called 'glimmers'—tiny, fleeting moments of safety, peace, or beauty that send a signal to our nervous system that we're okay.
Once you start looking, you can find these glimmers everywhere:
The feeling of a cool breeze on your face.
The way sunlight dapples through the leaves on a tree.
The sound of a bird calling from a distance.
That distinct, earthy smell just after it has rained.
By taking a moment to consciously notice these glimmers together, we are actively retraining your nervous system. Instead of constantly scanning for danger, it starts learning to look for cues of safety. This helps build your ability to self-regulate and find sources of calm, both during our sessions and in your day-to-day life.
This integrated approach makes polyvagal theory therapy a real, lived experience. It stops being an abstract idea and becomes something grounded in the real world, using movement, nature, and our therapeutic connection to help your mind and body finally start working together. It’s about finding your own path back to feeling settled, one step at a time.
Getting Started with Therapy with Ben
Authored by: Therapy-with-Ben
Understanding the map of your nervous system is the first step, but learning to navigate it with a trusted guide is where real, lasting change happens. If what you’ve read here strikes a chord, and you’re curious about how polyvagal-informed therapy could help you, then I invite you to take that next step.
I know that reaching out can feel like the hardest part. My aim is to make it feel as safe and straightforward as possible, removing any of the usual hurdles that might get in the way of you finding the right support.
Your Initial Consultation
Think of our first session as a gentle introduction. It’s simply a dedicated, confidential space for us to see if we’re a good fit. You can share a bit about what’s bringing you to therapy, ask me anything you like, and get a proper feel for how we might work together. There’s absolutely no pressure to continue – the most important thing is that you find a therapist who feels right for your nervous system.
Our first meeting is all about creating a sense of safety. My priority is to listen, to understand your story, and to explain how we can move forward at a pace that feels completely comfortable for you.
You can book this initial chat for any of the ways we can work together, as each offers a unique way to put these ideas into practice:
Face-to-Face Sessions: We can meet in a calm, private space here in Cheltenham.
Online Counselling: Giving you the flexibility to have sessions from the comfort of your own home.
Walk and Talk Therapy: A fantastic way to combine our work with the naturally regulating rhythm of being outdoors.
How to Take the Next Step
Getting started is simple. I’ve tried to make everything clear so you can feel prepared and confident in reaching out.
If you’d like to book your first session, or if you just have a few questions first, please head over to my contact page. You’ll find a simple form to fill out, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can to arrange a time.
For more information on costs, my availability, and other practical details, you’ll find everything on my booking and fees page. I believe in being completely transparent about the practical side of things so you can make an informed decision.
Beginning this work is a real investment in yourself, and I’d be honoured to support you.
Your Questions About Polyvagal Therapy
Authored by: Therapy-with-Ben
When people first hear about polyvagal theory therapy, a few common questions usually pop up. It’s a way of working that can feel quite different from traditional talk therapy, so it’s natural to be curious. Here, I’ll try to answer some of the big ones to give you a clearer picture of what it’s all about.
Is This a Proven Scientific Model?
Yes, it absolutely is. Polyvagal theory isn't just a nice idea; it comes from decades of serious research by neuroscientist Dr Stephen Porges into how our nervous system really works. It gives us a solid, evidence-informed map for understanding why we feel and act the way we do.
Of course, like any area of science, it's always evolving. But its core ideas are now widely respected and woven into many modern therapeutic approaches, especially for working with trauma and anxiety.
How Long Does It Take to Work?
That’s the million-dollar question, and the honest answer is: it’s different for everyone. Your personal history, the patterns your nervous system has learned over the years, and what you’re hoping to change all play a part. Some people start to notice small but important shifts in just a few sessions – maybe feeling a little more grounded or not flying off the handle so easily.
For others, particularly those carrying the weight of complex trauma, the journey will naturally be longer. The whole point isn’t a 'quick fix' but to gradually, and safely, build your capacity to feel settled and resilient. We always move at a pace that feels right for you.
Do I Need to Be a Scientist to Understand It?
Not at all. My job is to take the science and make it real and practical for you. You won’t be tested on any jargon, and you certainly don’t need a degree in neuroscience to get the benefits.
Our work together will be very hands-on and focused on your experience. It’s about you learning to listen to your body and recognise its signals. What does it actually feel like when you’re stressed versus when you’re calm? I’ll be there to guide you every step of the way with simple language and gentle, body-aware exercises.
A huge part of polyvagal-informed therapy is about giving you tools you can use in your daily life. The skills you practise in our sessions become your own resources for whenever you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or just plain stuck.
Can I Use These Techniques on My Own?
Yes, and that’s really the whole point. While feeling safe with another person (what we call co-regulation) is a massive part of the healing process, the ultimate goal is for you to feel more capable of regulating yourself.
We’ll practise simple, effective ways to notice what state your nervous system is in. From there, you’ll build up a personal toolkit of resources that help you gently guide yourself back to a place of safety and connection. This creates a real sense of empowerment in managing your own wellbeing, long after our work together has finished.
If a compassionate, body-focused approach feels like it could be the right path for you, I invite you to get in touch. At Therapy with Ben, we can explore how to apply these principles to help you feel safer, more connected, and more in control. Learn more at https://www.therapy-with-ben.co.uk.
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