What is Existential Therapy: A Practical UK Guide to what is existential therapy

By Therapy-with-Ben

Existential therapy is a unique and insightful way of looking at counselling. It’s an approach that focuses on you as a whole person, not just your symptoms. It's really a conversation about how to live more authentically by exploring the big, universal questions we all bump into at some point—questions about freedom, meaning, isolation, and death. Instead of offering a quick fix, it empowers you to become the expert on your own life.

What Is Existential Therapy in Simple Terms

Imagine you’re learning to sail on a vast, unpredictable ocean. Some therapies might teach you how to patch holes in your boat as they appear—and that’s definitely useful when you’re taking on water.

Existential therapy, however, takes a different tack. It’s more like learning to read the stars, understand the ocean’s currents, and chart your own course with purpose. It acknowledges that life involves storms and uncertainty, and it doesn't promise to calm the seas. What it does do is give you the confidence to take the helm.

This approach is built on the belief that you have the inner capacity to navigate these challenges, make meaningful choices, and steer towards a life that feels genuinely your own.

A Focus on Lived Experience

Unlike some other forms of therapy, the existential approach doesn’t rely on a rigid set of techniques or diagnostic labels. The focus is entirely on your personal, lived experience. What is it truly like to be you, in your world, right now?

This therapeutic style is less about an "expert" telling you what to do and much more about a collaborative exploration. We work together to examine the assumptions and values that guide your decisions, often without you even realising it.

"Existential psychology has long been suspicious of the 'technique culture' in psychotherapy and quick fixes in life in general... existential therapy is more interested in an approach focusing on changing one’s way of being."

From this perspective, difficulties like anxiety or a feeling of being 'stuck' are not seen as mere symptoms to be stamped out. Instead, they are viewed as important signals—invitations to look deeper at how you are living and what might need to change.

The Goal Is Authentic Living

Ultimately, the aim of existential therapy is to help you live more deliberately and authentically. This isn't about finding a single 'right' way to live, but about discovering what's right for you.

To give you a clearer picture, here’s a quick summary of the core ideas we’d explore.

Existential Therapy at a Glance

Core Concept	What It Means for You
Freedom & Responsibility	Recognising you have the freedom to choose your responses, even when you can't control the situation. With this freedom comes responsibility for your life.
Meaning & Purpose	Exploring what gives your life meaning. This isn't about finding a universal purpose, but creating one that is deeply personal and true to you.
Isolation	We are all fundamentally alone in our experience of the world. Acknowledging this can help us connect more genuinely with others.
Mortality	Confronting the reality of death can be a powerful motivator to live a more fulfilling and authentic life right now.

Working with these big ideas helps peel back the layers of expectation and obligation to uncover a more honest way of being. The goal is to feel more grounded in your own life.

This involves:

• Increasing self-awareness: Understanding your own values, beliefs, and motivations more clearly.

• Accepting responsibility: Recognising your freedom to choose your attitude and actions.

• Creating personal meaning: Discovering or building a sense of purpose that is true to you.

If you're interested in the broader picture of how talking therapies work, you might find our guide on what counselling is and how it can help you useful.

Exploring the Four Pillars of the Human Experience

Existential therapy isn't some abstract, dusty philosophy; it's about the real, messy, and often confusing business of being human. It gives us a framework for understanding life's biggest challenges by looking at four core truths—what therapists often call the 'givens' of existence.

These are the profound realities we all have to grapple with, whether we're conscious of it or not. Thinking about them helps us see that struggles like anxiety or depression aren't signs that we're broken. Instead, they’re often a very normal response to the tricky parts of the human journey.

1. Freedom and Responsibility

This is a big one, and it can feel a bit daunting at first: you are fundamentally free. You can't control everything that happens to you—life throws curveballs, other people make their own choices—but you always, always have the freedom to choose how you respond.

This isn't about blaming yourself when things go wrong. It's about recognising the quiet power you hold in your own attitude and actions. But with that freedom comes a hefty dose of responsibility. You are the author of your life, and every choice, no matter how small, shapes the person you are becoming.

That realisation can spark what’s known as 'existential anxiety'—the sheer weight of all that choice can feel overwhelming. Therapy helps you lean into this responsibility not as a burden, but as a source of incredible strength. It's how you start building a life that feels genuinely yours, rather than one dictated by what you think you should be doing.

2. The Search for Meaning

So many people come to therapy feeling lost, asking, "What's the point of it all?" It’s a feeling of emptiness, of just going through the motions. Existential therapy tackles this head-on, but not in the way you might expect. It suggests that meaning isn't something you just find lying around, like a key you misplaced.

Instead, meaning is something you actively create. You build it, piece by piece, through your commitments, your passions, your relationships, and how you choose to show up in the world.

"Meaning is not something you stumble across, like the answer to a riddle or the prize in a treasure hunt. Meaning is something you build into your life. You build it out of your own past, out of your affections and loyalties, out of the experience of humankind as it is passed on to you."

In therapy, we explore what truly matters to you. It's not about me giving you answers, but about us figuring out together:

• What makes you feel truly alive and engaged?

• Where do you find a sense of purpose, even in a small way?

• How can you live in a way that feels true to your deepest values?

This shifts your perspective entirely. You stop being a passive searcher, waiting for meaning to appear, and become the active architect of a life that feels worthwhile.

3. Mortality and Anxiety

We all know, on some level, that our time here is limited. It's a universal truth, and one that can stir up a lot of anxiety. Existential therapy doesn't try to hide from this or pretend it isn't scary. In fact, it sees our awareness of mortality as one of the most powerful tools we have for living a better life.

When you truly sit with the fact that life is finite, it has a remarkable way of clarifying what’s important. All the trivial worries, the societal pressures, the things that drain your energy—they start to lose their grip. The question is no longer "What should I do?" but "With the time I have, what do I truly want to do?"

Facing this reality pushes us to stop putting things off for 'someday'. It encourages us to fix that broken relationship, to take that trip, to pursue the things that genuinely light us up. It can transform the fear of dying into a powerful motivation for living with courage and authenticity, right here and now.

4. Isolation and Connection

Here's another one of life's great paradoxes: we are all fundamentally alone in our own experience, yet we are creatures who desperately need connection. This 'existential isolation' isn't about being lonely; it's about the simple fact that no one can ever get 100% inside your head. They can't feel your pain exactly as you do or see the world through your eyes.

It sounds bleak, but accepting this separateness is actually the secret to forming deeper, more genuine relationships. When we stop expecting someone else to completely understand us, to fill every void, or to erase our loneliness, we free ourselves up to connect with them for who they truly are.

This allows for real connection, one built on empathy and a deep respect for each other’s unique inner worlds. It helps us appreciate our relationships for the warmth and companionship they offer, without placing impossible demands on them. It’s an idea with global resonance; there are now 136 existential institutes across 43 countries, a testament to its powerful place in therapy worldwide. For a deeper look at its international reach, you can explore detailed research on existential consultancy.

By Therapy-with-Ben

How Existential Therapy Compares to Other Approaches

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08jyb1d20fE

Choosing a therapist can feel like a big decision, especially when you’re faced with so many different approaches. It helps to get a feel for how existential therapy stands apart from other well-known methods, like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Psychodynamic Therapy, so you can find what feels right for you.

Each therapy offers a unique lens for looking at your struggles and a different map for finding your way forward. One isn't automatically better than another; the "best" therapy is simply the one that clicks with you and what you're hoping to achieve.

Existential Therapy vs Cognitive Behavioural Therapy

The biggest difference between existential therapy and CBT comes down to their core focus. CBT is a very practical, goal-focused therapy that zeroes in on spotting and changing unhelpful patterns in your thinking and behaviour.

For example, if you're struggling with social anxiety, a CBT therapist might help you identify specific negative thoughts like, "Everyone will think I'm boring," before a party. They'd then give you strategies to challenge that thought, alongside practical exercises to help you gradually face those social situations. If you want to dig deeper into this structured method, it’s worth exploring what is cognitive behavioral therapy.

Existential therapy, on the other hand, wants to explore the deeper 'why' behind that social anxiety. It asks different questions: What does being judged by others truly mean to you? What are your fears around connection and isolation? The goal isn't just to manage the symptom (the anxiety) but to get to the bottom of its roots in your experience of being alive.

Existential therapy is less about quick fixes and more about fostering a profound shift in how you engage with your life. It puts self-awareness and authentic living first, rather than just focusing on symptom reduction.

This is where we start to look at the Four Pillars of Existence, the fundamental concerns that shape all of our lives.

As you can see, this approach moves beyond the immediate thoughts and behaviours to address the big, universal themes we all grapple with.

Existential Therapy vs Psychodynamic Therapy

Psychodynamic therapy, with its roots in psychoanalysis, puts a lot of emphasis on how your past experiences, especially from childhood, shape who you are today. A psychodynamic therapist helps you uncover unconscious patterns that are driving your current difficulties.

While existential therapy certainly acknowledges the importance of your past, it places a much stronger emphasis on the present and the future. The conversation is less about how you became who you are, and more about who you are choosing to be in this moment. It works from the principle that while you can't change what’s happened, you always have the freedom and responsibility to shape your future.

To make these distinctions clearer, here’s a simple comparison of the three approaches.

Existential Therapy vs CBT vs Psychodynamic Therapy

Aspect	Existential Therapy	Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)	Psychodynamic Therapy
Main Goal	To live more authentically and create personal meaning.	To change unhelpful thought patterns and behaviours.	To uncover and resolve unconscious conflicts from the past.
Time Focus	Primarily present and future, acknowledging the past.	Here-and-now, with a focus on current problems.	Primarily past experiences and their impact on the present.
Therapist Role	A fellow traveller, a philosophical guide exploring with you.	A coach or teacher, providing tools and strategies.	An expert interpreter, helping you understand your unconscious.

As you can see, each path has a very different feel.

Existential therapy shares some common ground with the wider humanistic tradition, which also champions personal growth and finding your potential. If you're drawn to therapies that prioritise your unique, individual experience, you might want to read our guide on humanistic therapy to see how these person-centred approaches compare.

Ultimately, what makes existential therapy stand out is its willingness to directly engage with life's biggest questions. This makes it a powerful choice if you're looking for more than just relief—if you're seeking a deeper connection to yourself and your own path in life.

By Therapy-with-Ben

Who This Approach Is For

Existential therapy isn't really for a specific ‘type’ of person or a narrow checklist of symptoms. It's for anyone wrestling with the messy, beautiful, and often confusing business of being human. It speaks to that part of us that questions everything, feels stuck, or just yearns for something more than getting through the day.

If you’re asking yourself the big questions about your life’s direction, your purpose, or what it all means, this approach gives you a proper space to explore all of that without judgement. It’s a place for an honest chat about the things that genuinely matter.

Support Through Life's Big Transitions

Life comes in chapters, and the moments between them can throw us off balance. Existential therapy is incredibly grounding during these pivotal times, whether they’re changes we’ve chosen or ones that have been forced upon us.

These periods of upheaval often make us confront our values, who we are, and the choices we’ve made. They can look like:

• Career changes: Thinking about a totally new path, dealing with redundancy, or just feeling deeply unfulfilled in your job.

• Relationship shifts: Navigating the end of a long-term partnership, becoming a parent for the first time, or adjusting to life after the kids have flown the nest.

• Bereavement and loss: Grieving the death of someone important and trying to figure out how to live in a world that feels fundamentally different.

• Significant life stages: Moving to a new city, facing retirement, or getting a life-altering health diagnosis.

In these moments, existential therapy helps you find your footing again. It won’t give you easy answers, but it will empower you to make conscious choices that feel right for the person you want to be in this new chapter.

For Those Feeling Stuck or Adrift

Sometimes the struggle isn't a single big event, but a nagging feeling of being ‘stuck’ or disconnected. You might feel a bit empty or meaningless, like you’re just going through the motions without any real passion or purpose.

This feeling, which is sometimes called existential dread, is often a sign that you’re ready to look deeper. The therapy offers a way to examine the life you’re living and to start actively building one that feels more authentic and alive.

Existential therapy is for anyone who feels that something fundamental is missing, even if they can't quite put their finger on what it is. It's an invitation to move from a life of passive existence to one of active engagement and creation.

What’s great about this approach is that it doesn’t pathologise these feelings. Instead, it sees them as a completely normal part of the human journey—a call to re-evaluate and reconnect with what gives your life substance.

Honouring Neurodiversity

For neurodiverse individuals, the world can often feel like it wasn’t built with your way of thinking in mind. Many types of therapy can feel too rigid, trying to squeeze you into a neurotypical box.

Existential therapy is a refreshing alternative. Because it’s person-centred and doesn't follow a strict script, it honours your unique way of being. The whole focus is on understanding your lived experience, your perceptions, and your personal reality. It’s a space where you don’t have to mask or conform, but can instead explore your identity and build a life that actually works for you, on your own terms.

A Space for Men to Explore Authenticity

Many men are raised with a lot of pressure to be stoic, to bottle up emotions, and to fit a very narrow idea of masculinity. This can make the idea of traditional therapy feel a bit intimidating or just not very helpful.

Existential therapy's focus on authenticity, freedom, and personal responsibility often really clicks with men. It provides a non-judgemental space to explore what it means to be a man, a partner, or a father, away from the weight of those societal expectations. It's about working together to figure out your own values and live a life that feels genuinely yours.

This approach seems to be well-received in practice, too. For instance, a UK-based study in a primary care setting found that of the patients GPs referred for short-term existential therapy, an impressive 87.23% of those who started the therapy saw it through to the end. This suggests people really connect with and commit to the process once they begin. You can review the full findings of this NHS-based study to learn more about its patient engagement results.

What to Expect From Your Therapy Sessions

Starting any kind of therapy can bring up a few questions. What will the sessions actually be like? What am I even supposed to talk about? Existential therapy sessions are probably less structured than you might imagine; they’re built around a genuine, collaborative conversation rather than a rigid agenda or a set of exercises.

Think of me not as an expert with all the answers, but as a fellow traveller and a guide. My role is to walk alongside you, helping you explore your own life, choices, and feelings in a way that feels safe and supportive. It really is a partnership where we work together to understand your experience of the world.

Your First Session and Beyond

The first session is really about us getting to know each other. It’s a chance for you to share what’s been on your mind and what has brought you to therapy in the first place. We’ll talk about what you’re hoping for, and you can ask me anything you like about the process or what existential therapy involves.

There's no pressure to have it all figured out. Many people start therapy with just a general feeling of being 'stuck' or knowing that something isn't quite right. Honestly, that’s a perfect place to begin.

As we continue, our sessions will centre on open dialogue. We’ll talk about whatever is most present for you—your relationships, your work, your anxieties, your hopes. The goal is always to bring more awareness to how you are living your life, right here and now.

The core of our time together is a shared enquiry into your lived experience. We aren't looking for a diagnosis to fix. Instead, we're aiming for a deeper understanding of what it is like to be you, so you can live more freely and authentically.

This whole process is about clarifying what you value, facing difficult truths with courage, and discovering your own power to create meaning. It's work designed to foster lasting change. In fact, UK research on short-term existential psychotherapy found that a year after finishing therapy, the relapse rate was only 4.7%. This suggests the approach helps resolve core concerns, not just mask surface-level symptoms. If you're interested, you can read the complete research on its long-term benefits.

The Unique Power of Walk and Talk Therapy

Here in Cheltenham, I also offer something a bit different called 'walk and talk therapy'. Instead of sitting in an office, we take our session outdoors, walking through one of the area's beautiful parks or green spaces. For many people, this can feel much more relaxed and less intense than a traditional face-to-face setting.

The combination of gentle movement and being in nature often makes it easier to open up. Walking side-by-side, rather than sitting directly opposite each other, can feel more comfortable and encourages a different kind of reflection. It’s amazing how thoughts can flow more freely when the body is in motion.

Working With a Male Counsellor

Choosing a therapist you feel comfortable with is absolutely vital. As a male counsellor, I am committed to creating a space that feels safe, non-judgemental, and genuinely supportive for everyone.

For some people, particularly men who might feel societal pressure to keep their emotions locked down, working with another man can make it easier to explore issues around identity, vulnerability, and what it means to live an authentic life. My goal is always to build a trusting and respectful therapeutic relationship, no matter your gender or background. It’s in this safe space that the real work of self-discovery can happen.

Ultimately, what you can expect is a space dedicated entirely to you—your thoughts, your feelings, and your journey towards a more meaningful way of living. If you want to know more about the practical side of things, you can learn more about what happens in counselling sessions in our detailed guide.

Your Questions About Existential Therapy, Answered

Starting any kind of therapy is a big step, and it's completely natural to have questions. Feeling clear and comfortable about the path you're considering is the first priority. So, let’s look at some of the common, practical queries people have about existential therapy to help you decide if it feels like the right fit for you.

Is Existential Therapy Any Good for Anxiety or Depression?

Yes, absolutely. While it might seem like we're talking about broad, philosophical themes, this approach is incredibly effective for both anxiety and depression. That's because these conditions often have deep roots in feelings of meaninglessness, a painful sense of isolation, or a nagging dread about the future and the choices ahead.

Existential therapy doesn't just put a plaster over the symptoms. Instead, it gets you to turn and face these core human concerns directly. By exploring what’s truly causing your distress, we can work towards a much more profound and lasting change, not just a temporary fix. A UK study in a primary care setting, for example, showed that this kind of therapy led to significant drops in psychological distress for people dealing with these exact issues.

Do I Need to Be a Philosopher to Get It?

Not in the slightest. You don't need any background in philosophy or to be an academic to get a huge amount out of existential therapy. The whole focus is on your personal, lived experience of the world—the real, day-to-day challenges and questions you're wrestling with.

This therapy is grounded in the stuff we all go through. It’s about questioning our purpose, facing tough choices, and trying to make sense of life's messiness. The aim is to help you figure out your own values and build a life that feels authentic to you, regardless of what you believe or where you've come from.

Existential therapy isn't about dissecting old philosophical texts; it's about exploring the text of your own life, together. The questions it brings up aren't academic puzzles – they're the very real human dilemmas we all bump up against.

This is what makes it so accessible. The only expert in the room on the subject of your life is you.

How Long Does Existential Therapy Take?

This is unique to every single person. It’s not designed as a ‘quick fix’ but as a deep, exploratory process that respects your own pace and what you need. There's no rigid, one-size-fits-all timeline.

Some people find they get the clarity and relief they're looking for within a shorter-term framework of 10-12 sessions. Studies in the UK have actually shown this brief format can be very effective for many. Others choose to engage in longer-term therapy, seeing it as a continuous part of their personal growth. The pace is always something we set together, keeping the focus on meaningful exploration rather than just ticking boxes on a schedule.

How Do I Know if This Is Right for Me?

This approach might be a great fit if you find yourself asking the big questions, like ‘What’s the point?’ or ‘Is this really all there is?’. It’s especially helpful if you’re going through a major life change, feel perpetually ‘stuck’, or have tried more structured therapies before and felt like something important was missed.

See if any of these resonate with you:

• You're searching for meaning: You feel a real gap between your daily routine and what feels truly important.

• You're at a crossroads: A big life event has you questioning your identity, your values, or what comes next.

• You value self-exploration: You’re open to looking deeply at yourself and are ready to take an active role in creating a more fulfilling life.

• You want more than just managing symptoms: You're looking to understand the deeper roots of what you're going through.

Ultimately, the best way to know for sure is to book an initial chat. It gives you a chance to see how the approach feels and whether we click as therapist and client, with no pressure at all. It’s a space to discover if this is the support you need to move forward.

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If you feel that exploring your life with honesty and courage could be the next step, I invite you to get in touch. At Therapy with Ben, we can work together to navigate your challenges and help you build a more authentic and meaningful life. Find out more about how we can start this journey by visiting https://www.therapy-with-ben.co.uk.

At Therapy with Ben, I believe in authentic, client-led support. If you’d like to know more about my background or the different ways we can work together, have a browse—and when you’re ready, let’s connect.