What is narrative therapy: A transformative approach to rewriting your story
- 11 minutes ago
- 14 min read
By Therapy-with-Ben
So, what is narrative therapy? At its heart, it’s a way of working that’s deeply respectful and non-blaming. It starts from the powerful idea that you are the expert in your own life, and it’s built on a simple but profound foundation: you are not your problems.
Instead of digging around for what might be ‘wrong’ with a person, narrative therapy looks at the stories we tell ourselves about our lives. From there, we work together to change your relationship with the problems that are affecting you.
Understanding Narrative Therapy in Simple Terms
Think of your life as a book, full of countless chapters and different storylines. Sometimes, a particularly difficult chapter—let’s call it ‘Anxiety’ or maybe ‘Self-Doubt’—can become so loud and dominant that it feels like it’s the only story in the entire book.
Narrative therapy gives us the space to see that this difficult chapter is just one part of your story, not the whole thing. It helps you realise that this problem is something separate from you; it isn’t who you are at your core. Honestly, this shift in perspective is often the first, most freeing step toward making real, lasting change.
The Problem Is the Problem
The whole approach hangs on one key principle: “The person is not the problem; the problem is the problem.” Now, this isn't just a clever turn of phrase; it's a fundamental change in viewpoint that can create some much-needed breathing room right away.
This simple idea helps us move away from thinking "I am an anxious person" to something more like "Anxiety is having an effect on my life at the moment." This separation, which we call externalising, is what allows you to start getting a sense of control back.
It’s about turning the problem from a fixed part of your identity into an outside influence—one that you can stand up to, question, and ultimately, shrink.
To get a clearer feel for this shift, here’s a quick comparison.
A Quick Look at the Narrative Perspective
This table really highlights the empowering shift we aim for—moving from seeing problems as part of your identity to viewing them as separate forces you can absolutely manage.
Concept | A Traditional Problem-Focused View | The Empowering Narrative View |
|---|---|---|
Identity | The problem is who I am. "I am a depressive person." | The problem is something I experience. "I am a person currently struggling with depression." |
Control | The problem defines me and controls my actions. "I can't do that because of my anxiety." | I have skills and choices in how I respond to the problem. "What can I do to stop anxiety from getting in the way?" |
The Future | The future is limited by the problem. It will always be this way. | The future is open. I can write new stories for my life. "My past doesn't have to dictate my future." |
Seeing things from this narrative viewpoint doesn't magically make the problem disappear, but it stops it from being the one in the driver's seat. It puts you back in charge.
In narrative therapy, I don't see myself as an expert with all the answers. My role is more of a collaborative partner, or a 'co-author'. I'm here to ask the kind of questions that help you uncover your own skills, values, and knowledge that might have been buried.
Discovering Your Strengths
Even when a problem feels totally overwhelming, we all have moments of strength, resilience, and resistance. Quite often, these “sparkling moments” get forgotten or completely overshadowed by that dominant, problem-filled story.
A big part of our work together is to become a bit of a detective in your own life, searching for this hidden evidence. We’ll look for times when you stood up to the problem, even in a small way, or acted in a way that truly reflects your values, despite the problem’s influence.
These discoveries aren't small wins; they are the very building blocks for a new, richer, and more preferred story about your life. By focusing on these alternative storylines, you begin to ‘re-author’ your life, creating new chapters that reflect your true strengths and your hopes for the future.
The Core Ideas That Help You Re-Author Your Life
To really get to grips with what is narrative therapy, we need to look at the ideas that sit behind it. These aren’t stuffy, academic theories; they’re real, practical ways of looking at your life that let you take a step back, have a breather, and start making changes that actually mean something to you. It's all about shifting the focus from what feels ‘wrong’ to what is strong.
At the heart of it all is the idea that problems are separate from people. This was the big insight from Michael White and David Epston, the therapists who developed narrative therapy back in the 1970s and 1980s. Their work, which has been making its way into UK mental health services more and more since the late 90s, offers a brilliant way for people dealing with things like anxiety or relationship troubles to start rewriting their own stories.
Externalising The Problem
The first, and probably the most well-known, principle is externalising. This is the simple but incredibly powerful act of talking about a problem as if it’s a separate thing, living outside of you. So, instead of saying, "I am an anxious person," we might start to explore when "Anxiety" tends to show up and what it’s trying to achieve.
This isn’t just a game of semantics; it creates some much-needed distance. You can think of it like giving a character a name in your story, maybe something like ‘The Inner Critic’ or ‘The Fog of Low Mood’. Once we give the problem a name and its own personality, it allows you to:
Watch its habits and tricks from a much safer spot.
Dial down the feelings of shame and self-blame that are so often tangled up with the problem.
Start seeing yourself as separate from the problem's influence.
This completely changes the power dynamic. Instead of feeling crushed by a flaw inside you, you're now in a position to face an external force.
"I feel as though I have been sitting on a path that has become overgrown with briar and thorns, closing me in… [The therapist] now stands around me and whacks down the brush so that I can see which path I want to take." - A client's description, from Jill Freedman and Gene Combs.
Re-Authoring Your Preferred Story
Once we’ve managed to create a bit of breathing room from the problem, we can get on with the really exciting part: re-authoring. This is where you essentially become a detective in your own life, actively looking for clues that go against the problem’s version of events. We search for what are sometimes called ‘sparkling moments’.
These are any times at all—no matter how small they seem—where you pushed back against the problem, acted in a way that felt true to your values, or showed a strength you’d forgotten you had. Finding these moments is so important because they become the building blocks for a new, preferred story.
This isn’t about making up a fantasy history. It’s about uncovering the truths that the problem-story has been hiding. By collecting these sparkling moments and linking them together, you begin to build a fuller, more accurate, and much more empowering story about who you are.
Deconstructing Dominant Stories
Finally, a big part of narrative therapy involves deconstruction. This just means we take a bit of time to wonder where these problem-stories came from in the first place. A lot of the stories that hold us back aren’t ones we’ve written for ourselves.
They’re often dominant stories we’ve picked up from society, our culture, our families, or things that have happened to us. These are the unwritten rules and expectations about how we ‘should’ live or who we ‘should’ be. By looking at where they come from, we can start to see why they have such a grip on us. And that’s the first step towards taking their power away and choosing a path that feels more authentically you.
What a Narrative Therapy Session Actually Looks Like
So, what actually happens when you walk into the room for a narrative therapy session? It’s a lot less clinical than you might think. It’s really just a conversation, one where we work together as partners. My main job, especially at the start, is to listen and properly understand the story you’re living with right now.
There’s absolutely no pressure. It's simply a safe space to talk things through. We’ll start by exploring what brought you here, but I’ll always see you as the true expert on your own life.
Starting the Externalising Conversation
A big part of our early work is about gently creating some distance between you and the problem. The way we talk about it is key to this. I might ask questions that frame things a little differently, something like:
“When did this worry first start visiting you?”
“What does depression try to convince you of when it’s at its strongest?”
“How does anxiety get in the way of what’s important to you?”
This isn’t just a quirky way of speaking; these questions are designed to externalise the problem. It helps us see it as something separate that we can look at together, rather than some kind of personal flaw. This process is really at the heart of how narrative therapy works in practice. If you're curious about the general rhythm of counselling, I’ve written more about what happens in counselling sessions here.
Uncovering Your Strengths and Skills
As our conversations continue, we shift towards discovery. I often take on a role a bit like an investigative journalist, helping you hunt for evidence that goes against the problem's main story. We’ll be on the lookout for "sparkling moments"—those times, even small ones, where you’ve resisted the problem’s influence.
This simple flow chart gives you a feel for how we move from separating from the problem to actively re-writing your story.
As you can see, creating that distance (Externalise) is what allows us to find those hidden strengths (Re-author) and start questioning old, unhelpful beliefs (Deconstruct).
Making the New Story Real
The final part of a session is often about getting creative and finding ways to make your new, preferred story feel solid and lasting.
In narrative therapy, we don't just talk about a new story; we actively bring it to life. This process reinforces your strengths and makes your progress tangible.
This could mean we do things like:
Therapeutic Letter Writing: I might write you a letter after our session, recapping the strengths, skills, and "sparkling moments" we talked about. It acts as a powerful, concrete reminder of your own abilities.
Creating Certificates: We might decide to create a certificate to formally recognise a particular achievement or a step you took to reclaim your life from the problem.
These aren’t just gimmicks. They are creative acts that help anchor your new story, turning it from just a conversation into a lived reality. They give you something real to hold onto as proof of your journey and the strengths you've rediscovered.
Right, so we've covered the big ideas behind narrative therapy. But understanding the theory is one thing; seeing how it actually works in the room is where the real magic happens.
This is where specific, thoughtfully-phrased questions and techniques come into play, helping you to step away from the problem and start noticing your own strengths again. These aren't just any old questions; they're the tools we use to open up new ways of seeing things.
The whole point is to shift the conversation away from stories that are soaked in the problem and towards ones that feel richer and more aligned with who you want to be. As a therapist, I do this by taking a ‘not-knowing’ stance. I’m not the expert with all the answers; I’m a curious collaborator. Your words, your experiences, and your wisdom are what matter most.
Shifting Perspectives with Powerful Questions
The questions we use in a narrative session are deliberately designed to challenge the problem’s grip on your life. They’re there to create a bit of space, allowing you to look at the situation from a new angle and spot things you might have missed.
You'll find the conversation is often guided by questions like these:
To externalise the problem: "If this anxiety had a name, what would you call it?" A simple question like this is the first step in treating the problem as something separate from you.
To map the problem's influence: "When 'The Critic' shows up, what does it try to make you believe about yourself?" This helps you get a handle on the problem's tactics without it feeling like a personal failing.
To discover unique outcomes: "Can you think of a time, even just for a minute, when you managed to push back against what the problem was demanding?" This is an active search for evidence of your own resilience and strength.
These aren't trick questions. They're gentle invitations to look at your story from a different perspective – one where you have far more say than the problem wants you to think.
A huge part of this work involves listening for what we call "sparkling moments". These are the exceptions, the times you resisted the problem's influence. By simply asking, "How on earth did you manage that?", we can start to build a new story, one grounded in your own abilities and what you hold dear.
Techniques That Solidify Your New Story
Beyond the conversation itself, we can use some creative techniques to help make your new, preferred story feel more solid and real. These are ways of documenting and celebrating your progress, turning the insights from our sessions into something tangible you can hold onto.
Here are a couple of methods I often use:
Therapeutic Letter Writing: If we have a session where you uncover a major strength or have a real breakthrough, I might write you a letter afterwards. This letter acts as a record of the skills, values, and "sparkling moments" we talked about. It's a powerful reminder of your progress that you can read whenever you need it.
Remembering Conversations: This is a wonderful technique where we explore your connections with people who have supported you, past or present. I might ask what a much-loved grandparent, a close friend, or even a hero from a book would say about the strength you're showing. It’s like bringing a "cloud of witnesses" into the room to cheer on your new story.
These aren't just chats; they are creative, collaborative acts. We are co-creating solid proof that your new story isn't just a nice idea—it's already happening. It’s about helping you see, and truly feel, your own resilience.
Who Can Benefit From This Approach to Therapy
While no single therapy is a perfect fit for absolutely everyone, the respectful and flexible way narrative therapy works means it can be profoundly helpful for a wide range of people and the challenges they face. Its real strength is how it empowers anyone who feels stuck, misunderstood, or completely defined by a particular problem.
At its heart, this approach is for anyone who feels ready to challenge a story that's become saturated with problems and wants to reclaim their life’s narrative. If you feel like your identity has been hijacked by a struggle, this way of working together can help you find those parts of yourself that have been pushed into the shadows.
Managing Anxiety and Depression
Narrative therapy offers a particularly hopeful path for those dealing with anxiety and depression. Instead of seeing these conditions as fixed, unchangeable parts of who you are, we work to externalise them. We might start talking about "what anxiety is trying to convince you of" or "when depression is most likely to show up."
This small shift in language can create immediate breathing room. It stops being a battle against yourself and becomes a process of reducing the influence of an unwanted, unhelpful visitor. By separating you from the problem, we can then explore your own strengths and resources for managing its effects. This helps build a sense of control and a renewed feeling of possibility.
An Affirming Approach for Neurodiversity
For neurodiverse individuals, including those with autism or ADHD, narrative therapy can be wonderfully affirming. So many therapeutic models can feel as though they are trying to 'fix' or 'correct' ways of being that are just part of who someone is. This approach does the complete opposite.
It honours your unique experiences and perspectives, focusing instead on building stories of strength around your specific ways of thinking, feeling, and seeing the world. Rather than viewing neurodiversity as a deficit, we can explore it as a rich and valid part of your life story. If you've ever felt like you've lost your sense of self along the way, you might find our guide on how to reclaim your identity a helpful read.
Narrative therapy doesn't pathologise. It respects that your life story is uniquely yours, and it works to uncover the skills and knowledge you already possess, rather than imposing a one-size-fits-all solution.
This approach is also incredibly effective for navigating other significant life challenges. I've seen it help with:
Trauma: It helps people separate their identity from traumatic events, rewriting the story from one of victimhood to one of survival and resilience.
Grief and Loss: It provides a space to honour the relationship with what was lost, while we work together to co-author a new chapter that integrates the experience.
Relationship Difficulties: By externalising the 'problem' in the relationship, couples or families can unite against it, rather than turning on each other.
Major Life Transitions: It supports people in making sense of big changes, letting go of old narratives and constructing new ones that fit their new reality.
How I Bring Narrative Therapy Into My Practice
For me, the collaborative and non-judgemental ideas that underpin what is narrative therapy really resonate, and I work to bring these principles to life for my clients here in Cheltenham. I firmly believe you are the expert on your own life, and that value sits at the very heart of how I practise.
Whether we meet face-to-face, connect online, or do something a bit different, my goal is always to create a safe, respectful space where we can figure things out together. My own journey of setting up a practice showed me that finding the right digital tools, like one of the best website builders for therapists, is key to creating a secure and professional online space.
Walk and Talk Therapy
I often find that narrative conversations fit perfectly with my 'walk and talk therapy' sessions in some of Cheltenham's local parks. There’s something about being in a natural, reflective setting that helps when exploring your story. The simple act of walking forward as we talk can be a powerful metaphor for the progress we're making.
Getting outside the four walls of a traditional therapy room helps to break down some of that formality. It encourages the kind of open, collaborative chat that narrative therapy is all about.
The core of my work is to partner with you to reduce the influence of problems. Together, we can build a story that better reflects your unique strengths, values, and hopes for the future.
If you feel ready for a different kind of conversation about your life, I’d encourage you to get in touch. It's important to know there are many paths to feeling better, and you can read a bit more about this by exploring diverse therapy methods on my blog. A no-obligation chat could be the first step.
Frequently Asked Questions About Narrative Therapy
It’s completely normal to have a few questions swirling around before trying a new approach to therapy. I find that these are some of the most common things people ask me about narrative therapy, so I hope these answers help you get a clearer picture of how it all works.
How Is Narrative Therapy Different From CBT?
That’s a great question, and while both are incredibly helpful, they come at things from a different angle. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is fantastic for zeroing in on specific thought patterns and behaviours that are causing problems right now. It gives you a practical, hands-on toolkit for managing difficult situations.
Narrative therapy tends to step back and look at the bigger picture. We’re more interested in the main stories that have come to define your life and who you are. So, instead of trying to ‘fix’ a thought we might see as unhelpful, we work together to write a richer, more fitting story for your life – one that makes those old problem-stories feel less powerful.
How Long Does Narrative Therapy Usually Take?
There’s really no set answer for this, as the journey is completely yours. How long we work together depends on what you’re hoping to get out of our sessions and what feels right for you.
Some people feel a significant, helpful shift after just a handful of sessions. For others, taking a bit more time allows them to explore their stories more deeply and feel more settled in the changes. We’ll always move at a pace that feels comfortable and useful to you.
The most important thing is that the process feels useful to you. My role is to listen and collaborate, never to rush you. You are always in the driver's seat of our conversations.
Do I Need to Be a Good 'Storyteller'?
Not at all. You absolutely don’t need to be a creative writer or a polished speaker. ‘Story’ is just the word we use for something we all do naturally – making sense of our lives and experiences. It’s how our brains are wired.
My job as a narrative therapist is to ask the kinds of questions that help you find the words for your experiences. The focus is always on what you’ve lived through and what feels true for you, never on a performance. Your story is already there; we just explore it together.
If you feel that exploring your story could be helpful, Therapy-with-Ben is here to support you. You can learn more or book a no-obligation consultation to see if this feels like the right fit.
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