What is grief counselling? A Companion to Healing After Loss
- 8 hours ago
- 15 min read
Author: Therapy-with-Ben
Grief is one of those things in life we all face, but it can make us feel completely and utterly alone. It’s the raw, overwhelming response to a significant loss; and that doesn't just mean the death of a loved one. It can be the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or even a life-changing diagnosis.
There’s no instruction manual for grief. It’s a messy, personal journey, and there’s no right or wrong way to do it.
That’s where grief counselling comes in. It’s not about ‘fixing’ you or trying to erase the pain. Think of it more as having a compassionate expert walking alongside you; a guide to help you untangle the complex knot of emotions—the sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion—that so often comes with loss. It’s a dedicated, confidential space to just be with your feelings, without any judgement.
Understanding Grief Counselling and Its Purpose
Essentially, grief counselling is a specialised type of therapy that offers a guiding hand when the weight of loss feels too heavy to carry on your own. It's a space to navigate the storm.
A Space to Heal and Rebuild
The real goal here is to help you process what’s happened and start to develop healthy ways to cope. It’s a place to honour the person you’ve lost and your own unique experience, while gently figuring out how to adapt to this new reality. It’s about finding a way to carry your loss with you, rather than feeling crushed by it.
It's also important to remember that grief isn't just about what comes after a loss. Family and friends often wrestle with feelings of pre-grief when a loved one is living with a serious illness, which is another heavy burden that counselling can help with.
The need for this kind of support is huge. A recent Marie Curie report found that over 40% of UK adults bereaved between 2016 and 2022 couldn't get the expert support they wanted. That’s a staggering number of people left to manage one of life's most difficult experiences alone.
At a Glance: Key Aspects of Grief Counselling
To break it down, here’s a quick look at the core components of grief counselling and what they really mean for you.
Core Component | What It Means For You |
|---|---|
Safe Space to Talk | A confidential environment to express your true feelings without judgement. |
Understanding Grief | Learning about the complexities of your personal grieving process. |
Developing Coping Tools | Gaining practical strategies to manage overwhelming emotions day-to-day. |
Honouring Your Loved One | Finding healthy ways to remember and maintain a meaningful connection. |
Rebuilding and Finding Hope | Gently looking towards the future and rediscovering a sense of purpose. |
Here at Therapy-with-Ben in Cheltenham, I offer a welcoming and down-to-earth approach for anyone needing support with their grief. I understand that some people specifically prefer to speak with a male counsellor, and I provide a space where you can feel heard, understood, and supported on your path forward.
How Different Therapeutic Approaches Can Help You
When you're looking for support with grief, it helps to know that there isn't just one single path. Think of it like a toolbox – a good counsellor has several different tools and knows exactly which one will be most helpful for you at any given moment.
Some ways of working focus on your thoughts and how they shape your feelings. Others are all about creating a safe space where you can lead the way, figuring things out at your own pace. The right fit really depends on you, the nature of your loss, and what feels most comfortable. The goal, however, is always the same: to help you find a way to process your grief that feels healthy and right for you.
The key aims of grief counselling are about creating space to talk, building ways to cope, and eventually, finding hope again.
These elements all work together, providing a steady foundation for you to lean on as you heal. Let's have a look at a few of the therapeutic approaches that make this happen.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for Grief
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, or CBT, is a really practical approach that explores the powerful link between what we think, how we feel, and what we do. When we're grieving, it’s so easy to get caught in painful thought loops, like "I should have done more" or "It's all my fault."
CBT helps you to gently notice and challenge these patterns. It’s not about me telling you that your thoughts are wrong. Instead, we work together to ask whether they're actually helpful, or even true. We might look at a thought that's causing you guilt and quietly explore the evidence, slowly taking away its power and lessening the sting.
This approach gives you real, tangible strategies to manage those overwhelming waves of emotion, helping you feel a bit more stable when everything feels chaotic.
Person-Centred Therapy: The Power of Your Experience
The core idea behind Person-Centred Therapy is simple but powerful: you are the expert on your own life. This approach puts you right at the heart of our work, focusing on creating a space that feels completely non-judgemental and deeply understanding.
In person-centred therapy, the counsellor offers three core conditions: unconditional positive regard (total acceptance of who you are), empathy (truly trying to see the world through your eyes), and congruence (being genuine and real). This combination builds an incredible foundation of trust and safety.
In our sessions, you set the agenda. There are no pre-planned exercises or topics; we talk about what feels important to you on that day. This freedom is so important in grief work because it allows you to explore your loss at your own pace, trusting your own instincts to guide the way. You can read more about this in my guide that explains what person-centred therapy is and its benefits. It’s a way of working that truly honours how unique and personal every single loss is.
Bereavement Counselling: A Specialised Focus
While many therapies can be adapted to help with grief, bereavement counselling is a specialism in its own right. It’s a field designed specifically to support people through loss, often blending elements from different models but always keeping the experience of grieving front and centre.
A bereavement counsellor understands the landscapes of loss – the common emotions, the difficult milestones – but they also know that your journey is entirely your own. They can help you make sense of feelings that might seem confusing or contradictory, navigate tough dates like anniversaries, and find meaningful ways to remember the person you've lost as you slowly begin to look forward.
Walk and Talk Therapy: A Unique Approach
Let's be honest, sometimes sitting in a quiet room, face-to-face, can feel a bit intense, especially when the subject is so painful. That’s a big reason I offer Walk and Talk Therapy here in and around Cheltenham.
It’s a simple idea that combines professional counselling with the gentle, healing act of walking outdoors. It can make a real difference:
It feels less formal: Walking side-by-side often makes conversation flow more easily, taking the pressure off direct eye contact.
Movement helps process emotion: The simple rhythm of walking can be incredibly calming and can help unstick thoughts and feelings that have felt locked away.
Nature is healing: Just being outside in the fresh air has been proven to lower stress and lift our mood.
For many people I’ve worked with, this more dynamic way of doing therapy offers a gentle but powerful way to engage with grief, making the whole process feel more approachable and a little less overwhelming.
The Real Benefits of Seeking Grief Support
Knowing what a counsellor can do is one thing, but understanding the real, tangible difference that support makes in your life is what truly matters. Grief counselling isn't just about having a space to talk; it’s about building resilience, finding clarity, and gently piecing together a new way of living.
One of the most immediate things you'll gain is a way to manage the intense, unpredictable waves of emotion that come with loss. Feelings of deep sadness, anger, or guilt can feel all-consuming. Therapy gives you the tools to navigate them without being swept away, helping you understand these feelings rather than being controlled by them.
This process is also a powerful antidote to the profound sense of isolation that grief so often brings. It can feel like you're the only person in the world who understands this particular pain. Counselling reassures you that you are not alone; your feelings are valid, and there is a path through the fog.
Navigating Relationships and Finding a New Normal
Loss doesn't just affect you; it ripples through your entire family and social circle, often changing dynamics in unexpected ways. Grief counselling offers a neutral ground to explore these complicated shifts. It can help you find ways to communicate your needs to others and understand their reactions, which might be very different from your own.
A huge part of the journey is finding a way to integrate the loss into your life. It’s not about 'getting over it' or 'moving on' in the way people sometimes suggest. It’s about creating a 'new normal'—one that honours the memory of your loved one while allowing you to continue living a meaningful life.
Therapy helps you transform your connection to the person you've lost. The attachment doesn't disappear; it changes from loving them in their presence to loving them in their absence, carried forward through heartfelt memories and a new understanding of their place in your life.
This journey towards a new normal is becoming more widely recognised as essential for mental wellbeing. The increasing demand for professional support is reflected in the market itself; the grief counselling sector is projected to grow from a global value of $4.03 billion in 2026 to $5.83 billion by 2030, partly driven by bereavement surges here in the UK. This growth underscores a societal shift towards understanding just how vital specialised support is.
The Power of Shared Experience and Community
While one-to-one therapy is incredibly valuable, healing can also be found in community. Beyond professional counselling, many people find real comfort in shared experience. Resources like grief support groups can offer a different kind of validation and understanding when you hear your own story reflected in others.
Ultimately, the benefits of seeking support are about more than just surviving a loss. They are about allowing yourself the space, compassion, and guidance needed to truly heal and rebuild. This support empowers you to carry your grief in a way that is sustainable, finding strength and even hope in the face of profound sadness.
What to Expect in Your First Counselling Session
Taking that first step to book a counselling session is often the hardest part, and it’s completely normal to feel a bit anxious or unsure about what comes next. The unknown can be daunting. Let’s pull back the curtain and give you a clear picture of what that first meeting is really like.
Think of our first session less as a formal therapy appointment and more as a simple conversation. The main point is for us to get to know each other and for you to decide if you feel comfortable working with me. Feeling a sense of connection and trust is the most important foundation for any good therapy.
Creating a Safe Space
From the moment we start, my priority is to create a space where you feel safe, heard, and respected. We’ll begin by going over a few practical details, the most important being confidentiality. I'll explain exactly how everything you share is kept private, making sure you understand the professional framework that protects your story.
You are always in the driver's seat. There is absolutely no pressure to dive into the most painful parts of your loss straight away, or ever, if you don't feel ready. You can tell your story at a pace that feels right for you. Some people find it helpful to talk about what brought them to counselling, while others prefer to just focus on how they're feeling right now.
The first session is an invitation, not an interrogation. It’s a chance for you to see what counselling feels like and decide if it's the right fit, without any obligation to continue.
We’ll gently explore what you might hope to get from our time together. It's completely okay if you don't have a clear answer to this yet; many people don't. Simply wanting to feel different is a perfectly good starting point. From there, we can begin to shape some gentle goals for your healing journey. For a more detailed look into this, you might find it helpful to read our general guide on what to expect from counselling.
Key Elements of Our Initial Conversation
This first meeting is a two-way street. It’s as much about you figuring out if I'm the right therapist for you as it is about me understanding your situation. To give you a clearer idea, here are a few things we’ll likely cover:
Your Story: We’ll touch upon what’s been going on in your life and what led you to seek support, but only to the extent you feel comfortable sharing.
Your Hopes: We can talk about what you might want to achieve, even if it’s just a vague feeling of wanting to cope a bit better.
How We Might Work Together: I’ll explain my approach and answer any questions you have about therapy. We can then decide if it lines up with what you need.
Practicalities: We’ll sort out the details like session frequency, timings, and fees so everything is clear from the outset.
Ultimately, you should leave that first session feeling heard, understood, and with a sense of quiet hope. It’s the beginning of a process where you are supported, not rushed, as you find your way through grief.
When Might You Need Professional Grief Counselling?
Grief is one of those things we all go through, but how it feels is completely unique to each of us. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, no schedule to follow. Many of us find ourselves wondering if the sadness we feel, or how long it’s lasting, is ‘normal’. While grieving is a natural part of life, sometimes it can feel like you’re lost at sea, tossed around by waves with no land in sight.
Realising you might need a bit of support isn't a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of incredible self-awareness. Grief counselling isn’t about trying to speed up the process. Think of it more as a safe harbour where you can start to make sense of all the tangled-up feelings, learning to navigate the emotional tides rather than being pulled under by them.
Signs You Might Be Feeling Stuck
It’s often hard to know the difference between the usual, painful journey of grief and feeling properly stuck. If any of the points below resonate with you, it might be a sign that having a chat with a professional could really help.
These aren't labels, just gentle nudges that support is out there:
The Sadness Feels Constant and Overwhelming: The pain of loss is, of course, immense. But if that sadness feels like a heavy blanket you can't shake off, and it's getting in the way of daily life – work, relationships, even just looking after yourself – it could be time to talk.
Pulling Away From Others: Wanting some space after a loss is completely normal. However, if you find you’re avoiding friends, family, and things you used to enjoy all the time, that isolation can make the grief feel a whole lot heavier.
Relying on Unhealthy Ways to Cope: It's a common reaction to turn to things like alcohol or other habits to numb the pain. If you notice you're relying on these just to get by, counselling can offer a space to find healthier ways to manage.
Stuck on Certain Feelings: Going over and over feelings of guilt, blame, or anger connected to the loss can be exhausting to handle on your own. A counsellor provides a safe, non-judgemental place to explore these emotions.
Grief in Children and Young People
Grief doesn't look the same for everyone, and this is especially true for younger people. Children and teenagers often show their pain through their behaviour – maybe acting out, having trouble at school, or even through physical things like stomach aches. They often don't have the words to explain what’s going on inside, which can make them feel incredibly alone.
The scale of the problem is huge. Every year in the UK, an estimated 46,300 dependent children lose a parent. That works out to 127 children newly bereaved every single day. These aren't just numbers; they represent a heartbreaking reality where counselling can be a vital lifeline for young minds trying to process something so big. You can discover more about these statistics on child bereavement in the UK.
For children and adults alike, seeking professional support is not about erasing the pain of loss. It's about learning how to carry it in a way that allows you to continue to live, grow, and eventually, find moments of peace and joy again.
If you or someone you know is going through this, remember that support is available. Taking that first step to find out more about what grief counselling is can provide the guidance and compassion needed to navigate this difficult journey.
Finding the Right Counsellor For You
Choosing someone to talk to about your grief is a deeply personal decision. More than any qualification on a certificate, the most important thing is the connection you feel with them. You need to feel safe, understood, and able to be completely yourself without fear of judgement. This therapeutic relationship is the bedrock of good grief counselling.
Think of it like finding a guide for a really tough hike. You want someone who not only knows the trail but whose presence is reassuring. That means thinking about their experience with the kind of loss you're going through, the way they work, and, quite simply, whether you feel you could get on with them.
Starting the search can feel like a huge task, so breaking it down helps. If you want a more detailed look at the process, you might find our practical UK guide on how to find a therapist useful.
Choosing a Male Counsellor
For some people, the gender of their counsellor is an important factor. For all sorts of personal reasons, some men and women simply feel more comfortable opening up to a male therapist. They might feel a man can better relate to certain life experiences, or they might just find it easier to build a natural rapport.
As a male counsellor myself, my goal is always to create a supportive, non-judgemental space where anyone can feel at ease. The priority is to build an environment where you feel properly heard and accepted for who you are, no matter what you're bringing into the room.
The Benefits of Local and Outdoor Therapy
If you're based in or near Cheltenham, choosing a local counsellor opens up some unique possibilities. It allows for face-to-face sessions, which many people find incredibly helpful for building that strong therapeutic connection.
Finding the right person is about more than just proximity; it’s about accessibility and connection. Local support can feel more grounded and personal, making the process of seeking help less daunting.
Being local also makes unique approaches like Walk and Talk therapy possible. Here at Therapy-with-Ben, we can make use of the beautiful natural spaces around Cheltenham. The simple act of walking side-by-side in nature can make difficult conversations feel less intense and more fluid. It’s a gentle but powerful way to process grief, blending the focus of therapy with the calming influence of the outdoors.
Actionable Steps to Find Your Counsellor
Finding the right person to support you is a crucial step. It's an investment in your own wellbeing. Here’s a straightforward way to approach it:
Do Your Research: Start by looking at local counsellors' websites and professional directories. Read about their specialisms and their approach to get a feel for how they work.
Check Qualifications: Make sure they are registered with a professional body like the BACP (British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) in the UK. This is a baseline for professional standards.
Arrange an Initial Chat: Most therapists offer a brief, often free, initial call. This is your chance to ask questions and, most importantly, to see how it feels to talk to them.
Trust Your Gut: After the call, take a moment. Did you feel at ease? Did you feel heard? That gut feeling is often your best guide to whether it's a good fit.
Taking the time to find the right person ensures you have a strong, supportive ally as you navigate what's ahead.
Common Questions About Grief Counselling
Thinking about starting counselling is a big step, and it’s completely normal to have a few questions rattling around. When you're already dealing with so much, the last thing you need is more uncertainty. My hope here is to clear up some of the most common queries, so you can feel a bit more grounded and confident in your decision to seek support.
How Long Does Grief Counselling Last?
There’s no instruction manual for grief, so there’s certainly no fixed timeline for counselling. For some people, a handful of focused sessions is enough to get the tools they need to feel more in control. For others, longer-term support over several months feels right as they work through the different, often surprising, stages of their loss.
Here at Therapy-with-Ben, we always go at your pace. We'll check in regularly to make sure our sessions are still helpful and doing what you need them to do, adjusting our approach as we go. It’s your journey, after all.
Is Everything I Say Completely Confidential?
Yes, absolutely. Confidentiality is the bedrock of everything we do. Think of our sessions as a secure container; what you share stays private, giving you a safe space to be completely open.
The only time this would ever change is if there was a serious risk of harm to yourself or someone else, which is a standard ethical guideline for all registered counsellors in the UK. We’ll talk this through properly in our first session, so you can feel completely safe and secure right from the start.
Your story is safe here. The primary goal is to build a relationship based on trust, where you feel fully supported to explore your feelings without any fear of judgement or disclosure.
What If I’m Not Ready to Talk About the Details?
That is perfectly okay, and you wouldn't be the first person to feel that way. A good counsellor will never push you to talk about anything you’re not ready for. The room is your space, and you’re always in the driver's seat when it comes to what we discuss.
There are many ways we can work that don't involve digging into painful specifics. We might focus on how you're feeling right now, find practical ways to manage the daily grind, or just sit with difficult emotions without needing to unpack where they came from until you feel ready.
Can Grief Counselling Help with Losses Other Than Death?
Definitely. Grief is our natural response to losing anything significant. We tend to link it with bereavement, but so many other life events can trigger the same powerful feelings:
The end of a major relationship or friendship.
Losing a job you were passionate about.
A life-changing health diagnosis for you or someone you love.
Moving away from a home or community you were deeply connected to.
Counselling gives you a place to process the messy, complicated emotions tied to any of these big changes, helping you make sense of it all and find a way forward.
If you have any other questions, or if this feels like the right time to take the next step, I'm here to help. At Therapy-with-Ben, I offer a compassionate, down-to-earth approach to support you on your journey. Get in touch to book an initial chat.
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